“My friend was in an abusive situation. I told her she should think about getting out. He made all the decisions for her, told her she couldn’t go out with her friends anymore. It isn’t healthy to have someone controlling you.
"IT ISN'T HEALTHY TO HAVE SOMEONE CONTROLLING YOU."
If you know someone in a situation like that, instead of telling them what they should do, give them advice on what they could do. Give them a number for a hotline or agency. My friend got out when she realized it wasn’t going to get any better. Power and control usually lead to physical violence.”
-- William, age 18
“My mother left my father when I was three, after he was physically abusive to her. Now she works at a battered women’s shelter. I feel that when my mom was my age, before she got into an abusive relationship with my dad,
“IF SHE HAD HEARD A GROUP OF TEENS HER AGE TALKING ABOUT ABUSE, MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE PREVENTED HER FROM GETTING INTO THAT SITUATION."
if she had heard a group of teens her age talking about abuse, maybe it would have prevented her from getting into that situation.”
-- Alicia, age 16
“I’ve had friends that have had problems, more mental than physical. Like the guy will try to brainwash her, make her think she’s not going to be anything without him, or if he’s not in her life, she won’t have anybody. He won’t let her think of any other person, she can’t talk to or barely look at other guys or he’ll get mad. Manipulating.
“HE WON'T LET HER THINK OF ANY OTHER PERSON, SHE CAN'T TALK TO OR BARELY LOOK AT OTHER GUYS OR HE'LL GET MAD."
I tried to talk to my friend in this situation. She would just say it’s not a big deal but she’d say, We were fighting, messing around, and she’d show me bruises. She laughs about it. She doesn’t go out with us anymore, always with him. We get mad at her about it, but you know, she thinks if she has to have him or us be mad at her, she knows we’ll forgive her more.”
-- Kati, age 15
“When I was in high school, I found out my best friend was mistreating his girlfriend. I was friends with them both. Once, we were at a party and he was insulting her, embarrassing her in front of other people. I let him know it wasn’t the way to act. He was defensive, kind of aggressive. He didn’t appreciate it. Later I talked to him one-on-one, and told him that he needed to be a better boyfriend.
"HE DENIED EVERYTHING HIS GIRLFRIEND HAD TOLD ME - ACCUSED HER OF BEING CRAZY AND MAKING THIS UP. IT WAS HARD."
I didn’t know who to believe. Know what I know now, I just think that if you have an abuser and an abused person, rather than trying to decide who’s telling the truth, just believe the abused person – and if you’re wrong, so be it. Today, I’m still friends with her. And after all these years, she still remembers what I did and appreciates the support that I gave her, even though I wished that I had done more. I think the most important thing that I did was believe her.
-- John, age 13
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