TALKING TO A FRIEND dealing with relationship violence can make an enormous difference to them. They are probably feeling very isolated and alone.

WHEN TALKING TO A FRIEND YOU THINK MIGHT BE ABUSED, there are several key things to keep in mind:

• Listen to what they have to say and don't be judgmental.
• Let them know you are there for whenever they need to talk and that you are worried about them.
• Let them know you won't tell anyone they don't want to know about the situation—and then keep your word (unless you fear for their physical safety).
• Be specific about why you are concerned - "I felt bad when I saw your significant other insult you in front of all of us. They don't have the right to treat you that way. What did you think about it?"
• Let your friend know you won't stand by and let the behavior continue.
• Find someone knowledgeable about abuse that they can talk to, and volunteer to go with them.

WHEN TALKING TO A FRIEND WHO IS BEING ABUSIVE, here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Be specific about what you saw and how it made you feel.
• Make sure they realize that their actions have consequences, and they could get into serious trouble—from getting expelled from school to going to jail.
• Urge them to get help, from a counselor, coach, or any trusted adult, and offer to go with them if they want support.
•  Let them know you care, and that you know they have it in them to change.

Most individuals who hurt their significant others don't consider themselves "batterers"—many are in denial about the severity of their actions. It's hard for us, as their friends, to believe it, too. But reaching out and talking to a friend we think is being violent in their relationship is truly an act of friendship, though it may seem like the hardest thing you can do.

YOU CAN ALSO CONSIDER TALKING WITH AN ADULT:

Write down what you need from the adult, what you want them to be like. Make sure they have your best interests at heart. It might be a parent, a teacher, a school counselor, a coach, or a friend's parent. Chart out all the adults you know and figure out who is your best ally.

• If you think your friend is in physical danger, but he/she doesn't want to seek any help, go ahead and tell an adult you trust yourself.
• If you are concerned that a friend is being abusive, it can also be helpful to talk to an adult, either with your friend or by yourself if he/she doesn't admit the problem or refuses to go with you. Go to an adult you trust, one who you think will get your friend the help they need and stick by you and support you for talking to them.